A Day In The Life Of Voyager
by Cazzie
Summary: From morning to evening in the life of this intrepid ship and her somewhat incompetent crew.


Author's Notes: This story is set in late season seven, B'Elanna is pregnant and Neelix is still part of the crew.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Voyager. I am not making any money from this. And to be honest, suing me would not be worth the effort as I am just a mere student.  
  
A day in the life of Voyager  
  
Captain Kathryn Janeway was making her way to the bridge when she heard quick footsteps behind her. Turning, she saw her first officer hurrying to meet her. As he pulled up to her side they both continued their journey.  
  
"Report." She asked him, her gaze set dead ahead.  
  
"Ensign Gibson has bet on 'accidental torpedo launch', Megan Delaney has gone for 'responded to distress call by hostile aliens', while Jenny chose 'incorrect course correction'. B'Elanna put a last minute bet on 'broken console' and I think he'll have activated the self destruct.  
  
"That's a bit unlikely, isn't it?"  
  
"Come on. This is Harry we're talking about"  
  
The two continued in silence until they emerged onto the bridge from the turbolift. Ensign Kim stood up and turned to greet them.  
  
"Good morning Captain, Commander. The night was fairly uneventful, except for when I, um, nearly caused us to fly into a star." Harry looked at his feet for a few seconds then up at the captain.  
  
"Take your station Ensign." She acknowledged him before taking her seat, as Chakotay took the one next to her.  
  
After a few silent moments she looked over her shoulder at the embarrassed officer, "Harry, you know you're not supposed to drive."  
  
He looked ashamed, "Yes Ma'am, but."  
  
"No buts Mister. Your job is to sit here and leave the work to the people who know what they're doing."  
  
"Yes Ma'am."  
  
The Captain looked at Chakotay with a small grin on her face and shook her head. He returned the gesture before pressing his com button. "Attention Voyager. This is Commander Chakotay. I hereby announce the winner of the 'Harry Kim is an idiot' pool to be Jenny Delaney. Congratulations Jenny."  
  
He closed the com link and returned his attention to Kathryn, I mean the bridge, the bridge. He was paying attention to the bridge. Honest.  
  
  
  
In the Mess Hall, Megan and Jenny Delaney were sitting with Richard Gibson when Chakotay's message came over the com.  
  
"..Congratulations Jenny." As the message ended Jenny whooped with delight and jumped out of her seat.  
  
"Yes! In your face Richard! I won! You lost, and I won." The Lieutenant did the dance of joy, as her sister and friend watched in embarrassment.  
  
The rest of the Mess Hall stopped what they were doing and stared at the young woman, who had clearly gone insane.  
  
"Uh, Jenny." Megan cautiously approached her sister. It was quite disturbing for her to see a person who looked exactly like herself act in this way. "Maybe you should clam down."  
  
"Ha! What do you know? You lost too remember! You lost and I won! Ha!"  
  
"Lieutenant Torres and Commander Chakotay also lost." Megan reminded her  
  
"You're right!" Jenny's face lit up and she ran out of the Mess Hall  
  
All eyes were now on Megan, who was standing by herself.  
  
"Uh, that was Jenny" She announced to the gathered officers. "Jenny went insane, not Megan. Please remember that." And with that she followed her sister out, though in a far more dignified manner.  
  
  
  
Tom Paris and B'Elanna Torres were leaving their quarters, ready and willing to work. As Tom headed to the bridge his wife headed for Engineering, sharing a quick goodbye kiss when they parted.  
  
B'Elanna entered Engineering to find Vorik next to the Warp Core shouting orders.  
  
"I am the mighty B'Elanna Torres! Everyone bow down to me! You there, do too much work and have no breaks. And you, do this, and that, and this again!"  
  
"Ensign." B'Elanna's voice came from behind him and he felt his blood run cold. Oh, sh.  
  
"What the hell do you think you're doing?"  
  
"Lieutenant. I was." Oh help. What lie could he think of? , "I was, not doing anything. Perhaps you should go to sickbay. You appear to be hallucinating."  
  
"Oh yeah sure." She went over to the small box in the corner and pulled out a phaser. "Mr Vorik, I am a pregnant half Klingon. It would be suicide to piss me off."  
  
"You cannot kill me. I am a recurring character."  
  
"Good point." She turned the phaser and shot an unnamed yellow-shirt. "There, I have released my anger and no one will be upset. Perfect solution"  
  
Vorik nodded his assent and they took their stations. The dead body still lying on the floor caused only a minor annoyance to the Engineering staff.  
  
After a few minutes, a thought struck B'Elanna, "Vorik. You're a Vulcan aren't you? I thought you people didn't do things like that. Or is this calm, logical act just a big pretence on the part of the Vulcan race?"  
  
"Of course not Lieutenant." Came the reply, "Excuse me, I need to repair something."  
  
Vorik turned a corner and looked around cautiously before pressing his com badge, "Vorik to Lietenant Tuvok. Lieutenant Torres may be onto us. Shall I eliminate her?"  
  
"Negative. Her time will come. All their times will come! Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!! Tuvok out"  
  
On the bridge the other officers were a little surprised by Tuvok's maniacal laughter, but had more important things to worry about.  
  
"Borg?" Tom Paris asked  
  
"Nope" Harry Kim replied  
  
"Boy?" Janeway offered  
  
"Nope." Harry smirked  
  
"Bridge?" Chakotay shouted excitedly  
  
"Yes!" Harry nodded  
  
"Oh, that is such a stupid one." Janeway grumbled  
  
"Sore loser." Chakotay laughed, "Okay. I spy with my little eye, something beginning with 'C'  
  
Back in Engineering B'Elanna was fiddling with the Warp plasma manifolds. For no reason, other than she felt like it, when Jenny Delaney came running in.  
  
"I won and you lost! Na na na na na!" Jenny stuck out her tongue then turned and ran from the room before the chief engineer had time to pull herself up.  
  
Having had enough of constantly being beaten at 'I Spy', Janeway decided to make a visit to the Mess Hall. There she saw Neelix behind the counter, Samantha and Naomi Wildman sitting at a table and a number of expendable extras taking up space.  
  
"Neelix." She approached the counter. "Coffee."  
  
Naomi Wildman looked up, "Hey, Captain! Would you like to join us?"  
  
"No thanks Naomi. I have important work to do." She held up her padd, "Chakotay stole my game of Snake and got a new high score. I need to beat him."  
  
The Captain took a seat at a nearby table and began to play. She was engrossed in the game when Neelix brought her coffee. Taking a sip she spat it out all over the table.  
  
"NEELIX!" Her voice was loud and deadly. Many of the expendable extras fled or hid under their tables.  
  
"Yes Captain?" The cheerful Talaxian came up to her  
  
"This, is decaf." She stated calmly, but with a terrifying edge.  
  
"Oh no." Neelix started to panic, "oh, Captain. It was an honest mistake. You know I'd never do something like that intentionally. I really am very very sorry. Please don't kill me."  
  
"Oh, Neelix. I'm not going to kill you." She placed the coffee down and looked at two men in the corner. "Ensign Noname, Lieutenant Extra, please take Mister Neelix down to the brig and lock him up."  
  
"Yes ma'am." They said in unison and led Neelix out of the Mess Hall  
  
The senior staff were gathered round the table in the Conference room to discuss the situation.  
  
"So, who is going to replace Neelix in the mess hall?" Captain Janeway addressed the question to everyone. "Anyone here have culinary experience?"  
  
"Captain." Seven spoke up, "Wouldn't it make more sense for a lower deck crewman to do it. Someone who does not have important duties and therefore would be able to devote sufficient time to the task."  
  
"Shut up Seven." Janeway reprimanded her, "we don't want nobodies to do it. We want people who actually matter, that we care about. You don't see a nobody taking the job as assistant medic. Even though there are probably a lot of people more qualified than Mister Paris we chose him. Why? Because he is a main character, alright?"  
  
"Yes Captain. I see my mistake. It is the same logic you used to make me a senior crew member, even though I have no business being one."  
  
"Good, glad that's out of the way. So who wants the job?"  
  
Silence filled the room.  
  
"Okay, let me rephrase that. Who wants to unfairly nominate someone for the job and we'll force it upon them?"  
  
"Harry" The voices of all but Janeway, Harry and Tuvok shouted together.  
  
"Why Harry?" Janeway enquired  
  
"To get him off the bridge!" Tom explained, "he'll kill us all if we're not careful."  
  
"Therefore he is an unwise choice of cook." Tuvok raised his eyebrow, "Mr Kim's lack of skill could well result in food poisoning and the death of us all."  
  
There were murmurs of agreement from the others gathered.  
  
"How about Seven?" Harry offered  
  
But before anyone could respond the doors swished open and Jenny Delaney ran in with an insane look on her face.  
  
"I won, Chokatay! I won and you lost! Ha! You suck!" She did a quick rendition of the dance of joy before running out shouting 'I won!' over and over again.  
  
The group sat quietly for a few seconds.  
  
"So, Seven, what do you say?" Janeway asked the former drone  
  
"No."  
  
"You'll have to do better than that."  
  
"I do not wish to."  
  
"Still not good enough."  
  
"If you force me to I will spike the food with nanoprobes and slowly turn you all into Borg, at which point I will take over the ship and the quadrant using you as my drones."  
  
"Okey dokey. Seven's out of the running. Anyone else?"  
  
The assembled officers looked at each other uncomfortably.  
  
"Well, I obviously can't do it." B'Elanna leaned back in her chair  
  
"Er, why?" Janeway asked the question everyone was thinking  
  
"Well, because I'm pregnant of course. My condition makes me unsuitable for such a task."  
  
The Doctor appeared confused, "On the contrary Lieutenant. Your pregnancy means it would be far more advisable for you to take over the Mess Hall and relinquish your job in Engineering until after the birth."  
  
A shadow of danger crossed B'Elanna's features. Chakotay and Tom knew her well enough by now, and promptly hid under the table.  
  
"Doctor. Do you know what I can do to your program? Do you have any idea in that tiny holographic mind of yours? And do you really want to find out?"  
  
An ominous silence filled the room, no one moved or said a word and a tumbleweed rolled slowly across the table.  
  
"Okay. So, B'Elanna's out." The Doctor's voice broke the silence  
  
For the first time in ages Chakotay spoke up, "You know. We have spent far too much time discussing this. I'm sure there are far more interesting things we could be doing."  
  
"You're right." Janeway conceded, "Chakotay, you're the new cook."  
  
The group filed out, leaving the stunned first officer, and new ship's cook, sitting alone.  
  
"Note to self: Shut up."  
  
After a long, hard day on the Bridge, Captain Janeway made her way down to the Mess Hall for something to eat. Imagine her horror when she found Neelix behind the counter.  
  
"Hey, you hairy, disgusting, DECAF SERVING rodent!!! What do you think you are doing here?"  
  
"Commander Chakotay swapped places with me. He said he would rather spend the night in the brig than have to serve this, quote, toxic waste you call food, end quote."  
  
"I see." Captain Janeway slowly nodded her head. After a few moments she turned and left the Mess Hall muttering about the various ways she would make Chakotay suffer for this.  
  
After entering the brig she dismissed the, very confused, Lieutenant on watch.  
  
"So, Chakotay. You are responsible for the return of Neelix."  
  
"I'm sorry Captain." He stood to face her, "I couldn't serve that gunk he calls food."  
  
"If it's so terrible, why do you eat it?"  
  
"Eating it is one thing. But I don't want serve it to other people, I would rather not have that heinous crime on my conscience."  
  
"Well, you must be punished. I will arrange for you to have a private viewing of the Doctor's complete Holo-image collection."  
  
"No! Kathryn! You can't so this to me! KATHRYN!!!" He lurched towards the force field with terror in his eyes. Janeway just turned silently, ignoring his desperate plea's.  
  
The Captain left the brig and headed to sickbay to arrange the viewing. A cruel punishment, certainly. But Chakotay deserved it. He had unleashed Neelix back onto the crew!  
  
Five hours later Commander Chakotay emerged from the brig. He could barely stand and was repeating jibberish. Janeway thought she heard the words 'fate worse than death' and 'The Doctor must be destroyed', but couldn't be certain.  
  
She had to take pity on him, and so invited him to dinner in her quarters. Needless to say he jumped at the chance and off they went. However they had to make a quick stopover in sickbay because the Commander is quite a tall person and the ceilings are not as high as he would have liked.  
  
Of course, he made sure Tom treated him. He would not forgive the Doctor for some time.  
  
Seven of Nine sat in the Mess Hall alone. When Harry Kim entered, he immediately went over to her.  
  
"Hey Seven. What's up?"  
  
"I'm feeling left out. Normally I have my fair share of screen time, plus most of everyone else's. In fact, I usually take up half of each episode myself. But I've been in very little of this one."  
  
She looked down at the table and sulked. Harry reached his hand over to her and his face brightened.  
  
"Hey, I think I know a way to get you more screen time!"  
  
She looked up, a new sense of optimism filling her eyes.  
  
"Yeah, just come with me to the bridge. Remember last week when I released that torpedo by accident and destroyed that planet full of friendly people who were considering sharing their technology with us."  
  
"I remember. I also remember that the only reason Captain Janeway didn't kill you on the spot was the fact that you are a total idiot with an IQ lower than that of Naomi Wildman before she was born."  
  
"Your point?"  
  
"I am far superior to you intellectually, and would not be forgiven so easily."  
  
"Well, you could always make out with me. That would give you screen time." He could not hide the excitement in his voice at this idea.  
  
"Um, yeah, I think I'd rather become a nameless extra." Seven stood up to go, eager to be as far away from Harry Kim as possible. But she couldn't leave before adding, "oh, and Ensign, I would also like to make it clear that I am far superior to you in every other way as well.  
  
  
  
Nighttime fell on Voyager and all the senior staff retired to their quarters, except Harry who returned to the bridge for the night shift.  
  
Tom and B'Elanna returned to their quarters, Seven returned to Cargo Bay Two, The Doctor deactivated himself, Neelix returned to the place where the crew wished he would forever stay and Tuvok returned to his quarters.  
  
Chakotay and Captain Janeway remained in her quarters and did not emerge until the next morning.  
  
Harry Kim took the Captains seat, ready for yet another watch. The Ensign at helm looked at him strangely, "Weren't you just on the day shift, and the night shift before that?"  
  
"Yep, and the shifts before that. In fact I have been on constant duty for the past three weeks."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"To get my second pip. But to be honest I think the Captain is being unfair. After all this duty I'm still an Ensign."  
  
"Well, maybe it's quality not quantity that counts."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"I mean, you're more likely to be made a lieutenant if you didn't accidentally blow up planets, or nearly destroy the ship, or endanger the entire crew or."  
  
"Thank you ensign. Now please pay attention, something important might happen."  
  
The Ensign laughed, "don't be ridiculous! It's a known fact that interesting things only happen when The Captain is awake. It's like the aliens know when is day and night for us and plan accordingly."  
  
"Hmm, I've noticed that too. For some strange reason all the activity happens in the daytime and not the night. There's no logical reason for that, but it happens anyway."  
  
And so the Starship Voyager was left to sail through space, Harry Kim at command. It would be a small miracle that they survived until morning.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Thank you for reading. Now could you please press that button down there and leave me a review? I'd be very grateful if you did. :) 


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